The New Domestic Abuse- The cyber bully

I  come to you with a worrying and concerning issue. cyber bullying as a form of Domestic Abuse. Now both men and women, (as it can go either way) however this is more prevalent with men, are using social media as a way to scare and frighten their partners into doing their bidding. They are informing their partners of potentially sharing sensitive and intimate information about them or the relationship if they so much as stand up for themselves. This the abuser hopes, will enable them to get their way somehow. With the victim fearful of their families, friends, churches and work places finding out personal and intimate details. With the abuser willing to share their names and photos along with these posts, therefore anyone who searches for their names on social media, the posts will come up. This can cause their employers to obtain this information also. It is a form of extreme bullying and harassment. The abuser must realise that this can cause some detrimental effects on a victim. There is a rise in suicide attempts as a result of cyber bullying. It is a form of bullying the victim is expected to just “shake off”. Outside agencies inform the victim to close their accounts, block the bully off their phones, however the damage has already been done. The hurtful words, harassment and threats have already been ingrained and cannot be forgotten. One example of this an abuser was constantly making fun of a victim’s christian faith as part of emotional abuse. Personal and intimate posts were placed on social media so people from their church could see as the victim feared they would have been ostracized by their church if intimate details was revealed. Lo and behold, many people who knew them from their church saw and was ostracized. In addition, some of the victim’s friends pulling themselves away not wanting to be “associated” with the victim.

It is up to us as a society to come together and report these people, to not share these posts or to respond to these posts. If we do, we are part of the bullying ourselves and should also be reprimanded. Why are we so frightened as a society to do something about this? to speak up about this?. This is an extreme form of abuse which is the hardest to detect. It is even difficult at first for the victim themselves to realise that it is a form of domestic abuse. The jail term for cyber bullying as a form of domestic abuse should be hard and set in stone to show the abuser that there is a zero tolerance on this. I am saddened to even see that other women are supporting this form of bullying themselves supporting the abuser by responding to their posts and also using derogatory words to describe the victim. Victims can only fight back by showing the abuser there is no fear and continue to stand up for themselves. The Victim should know that there are people and organisations out there to support. They will not be looked down on and judged by these organisations and not all churches would ostracize someone for being a victim. So let us pull together as a society, as one people, one body. We can do this, LETS BEAT THE BULLY.

NB: cyber bully and abuser was purposely placed only in lower caps in the tittle as I felt their recognition with capital letters was not needed in this case.

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I do not want your offer.. I am good thanks!!

These days there is a growing trend of an offer from men  which is down grading, rude and unbelievable. I cannot believe that men have the audacity to even approach a woman with such an offer. They approach more than ever career academic women who are at the top of their careers, down to the stay at home mother. What do they approach with? this is the offer:

“Hmm i think your so sexy and attractive. Your so clever and sassy. i want so much to get to know you better. I would love to kiss you all over make love to you show you a good time. However i just do not want a relationship right now”

What??? hold on here.. you want the benefits of a relationship, but not the relationship. Men want to sleep with women, however not be in a relationship with them and ask very openly and blatant for this. Men STOP! think about it, how many men can a woman keep sleeping with. If a woman accepts such an offer and another and another then how many notches on her bed post will there be? When she will then be ready to settle down, she would surely have gone around with quite a lot of men. I am sure you men would not even want to marry such a woman, however you approach women with such a ludicrous offer. Women are not just bits of flesh to come along in their lives, sleep with, use and leave. Then say those infamous words “i told you i did not want a relationship” Men it is hurtful as you know women and their emotions also becomes involved in this. This can cause a woman to become extremely depressed, stressed and another host of problems follow. Over eating, anorexia, self harm, alcoholism, anger issues and unfortunately sometimes even suicide. If you do not want a relationship from a particular woman, then you should also not want their bodies. Keep to what ever you are doing and when you men are ready for a relationship then approach a woman with the whole package. Until then Thanks but NO THANKS!

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Be Happy in yourself and all else will follow suit.

Yesterday something happened which brought a tear to my eye and i realised in that moment that for me this situtation to change i needed to be happy first.

Sometimes we all look towards other people be it friends, family or partners expecting them to make us happy. However they cannot be entrusted with such a task. Not that they are horrible people, just that they are so consumed in their own problems/unhappiness they have no intrest in yours. It is our own responsibility to make ourselves happy and with that we will have a new found lease of life. I realised yesterday that it was not actually me with the issue it was the other person who was so unhappy with what life had to offer that they made others unhappy. They could not open up to the prospect of love and friendship and so made others including myself feel bad.

So stop putting your heart and happiness in the hands of others and start taking charge of that yourself

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FWB: Friends with Benefits?

In this current social media heavy world we live in, there is another craze (which has always been around) is the FWB friends with benefits. More and more men are approaching women with the offer of having all the relationship benefits but just without the commitment. Women are falling into this trap feeling that due to their busy lifestyles and careers friends with benefits is the way for them! the way for them to keep their independence. More women are giving men this offer of total relationships benefits never really committing to them.

Well ladies, please do not kid yourself. There is the danger of your falling deeply in love with your FWB for him to only turn round and say to you that he never actually promised you a relationship. When this happens you cannot blame him at all as he was honest with you at the beginning. We are women, we are wired up so differently and we fall in love easily, bond during sex and include our very emotions, heart and soul when we are making love to a man and will very easily fall in love at some stage with a FWB.

Best way to deal with it? tell a man who approaches you with an FWB situation that you would like some day to have a fulfilled, happy special relationship with someone. A man who values you, loves you and think you are the most wonderful and beautiful woman out there. This man will feel that he has got everything he has ever wanted and is no longer searching out there for someone to fulfill him. Tell your FWB you will be dating other people and will not have sex or no longer have sex with him. Ladies as i always say in my blogs we are Queens and we should act like we are. Until we find that special someone we should value our selves and save our selves for that special man. This is not to say that a FWB might not see what he is missing and come back to look for you, however till that happens no longer entertain the prospect of him potentially coming back, calling or what a good woman you are. Concentrate on you! Go swimming, running, out with friends, fill up your time with other dates, career anything else apart from him.  Oh and of course cut off all contact. No liking his social media posts, texting or calling, no turning up where you think he might be, and no posting subliminal messages on your social media. As a matter of fact go very quiet on your post. That way if he truly likes you he will begin to realise what is missing from his life. if you post on social media too much, then there is no mystery about you and he always knows what you are doing and where you are.

And do not despair ladies your Mr Right is right around the corner, until you meet him, you should never ever settle for less than what you are worth.

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The Curvy Revolution!

Curvy Women this one is for us!!

Fiona's Motivations

Finally it is here the time when we can all embrace our curves without worry of judgement or disapproval. Society are becoming more and more educated on all things curvy whether its down to clothes, diet and social life. The notion that all curvy women stuff their faces with food 24 hours a day is now fast becoming a thing of the past. We still have a way to go especially with fashion shops charging curvy women extra money for clothes however we are making progress.

The start to being comfortable as a curvy woman is accepting yourself and not relying on anyone for their seal of approval. The confidence and self esteem which should exude you will surely be contagious and give others that instant show that you have no concern of their opinions and what they think if you at all. People who make hurtful comments to other…

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The Curvy Revolution!

Finally it is here the time when we can all embrace our curves without worry of judgement or disapproval. Society are becoming more and more educated on all things curvy whether its down to clothes, diet and social life. The notion that all curvy women stuff their faces with food 24 hours a day is now fast becoming a thing of the past. We still have a way to go especially with fashion shops charging curvy women extra money for clothes however we are making progress.

The start to being comfortable as a curvy woman is accepting yourself and not relying on anyone for their seal of approval. The confidence and self esteem which should exude you will surely be contagious and give others that instant show that you have no concern of their opinions and what they think if you at all. People who make hurtful comments to other curvy women somehow smell the fear and lack of confidence from these women and feel they have found some kind of easy prey. The curvy and plus size women I know are sexy, strong, eat very healthy, sporty and career minded beautiful women.  The clothes which are out there now are sexy and classy and we curvy women can finally feel like we have some kind of choice when it comes to finding clothes and we actually now enjoy shopping. Gone are the days of women hiding behind their computers and shopping online. Curvy women and plus sized women should not worry about dating and finding someone. Once you are confident and have self esteem that will be enough to attract the right man for you as all men are attracted to confident women.

So ladies please join me in celebration of the Curvy Revolution!!! here we come!!download (27)

Women In Ministry: To be Celebrated Men not Feared!!

Women these days are making their presence felt in the world of Ministry and are pursuing their calling of becoming Ministers, Pastors, Evangelists and Reverends. However what we women are faced with now in Ministry is the fact that Men are rejecting women in Ministry as prospective wives! You might be reading this and thinking surely it cannot be true, however it is. When women studying in Ministry are potentially meeting, dating or courting (however you want to call it) (as we are human beings too) reveal that we are studying in Ministry men immediately do the following:

  1. Do not call back
  2. Put us in the “Friend” zone
  3. Think that we will try and “change” their lives
  4. “Think we are going to be so so boring”
  5. That they will get judged by us if they “do something wrong”
  6. Think that their Friends will laugh at them if they know they are dating someone studying in Ministry
  7. Use as counsellors rather than potential wives
  8. Think we might have a secret super power and might know what “they get up to” by looking at them so they do not want to date us

Men please,  women in ministry also posses the same qualities as other women who are not in ministry we are also strong, independent, know what we want, know how to be a wife (as that is an integral part of our study) know how to build a family unit together and so much more qualities. We are not here to judge you or change your life. Our journey with Jesus is our journey not yours. Yes you could have the same relationship with Jesus if you want, however it is not our place to force you to do so it is your choice. We deserve to be wives too we are not here just to be “friends” or “counsellors”. We would like to also have a normal happy marriage built on love and support also. It is amazing men to have a woman who is chosen, called or anointed. You should celebrate her, support her and be proud of her. It is not something to be ashamed of but celebrated. You should feel lucky men that you have met someone as special as this and grab on to it with both hands and not reject it. I remember these words “I am sorry I think you have a higher calling and I am a distraction I cannot be with you”

The day those words were told to me was the best day of my life as the door which was closed was closed for a new door to be opened. My response was “that is OK there is no contest with Jesus, he wins every time because he saved me” Men stop being so judgmental and if you do stumble across a woman studying in Ministry or already ordained into ministry embrace her as the life you will experience with her will be one you will surely enjoy and trust me, will not be boring.

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